The Center for American Progress published an issue of The Progress Report repeating self-congratulatory talking points from Democratic congressional leadership. Their message: "Don't be Demappointed, people -- we're doing stuff! Really!"
CAP, if you aren't familiar with it, was founded to be a think tank for progressives, the Heritage Foundation of the left. But there doesn't seem to have been a lot of thinking that went into that message.
The Democratic takeover of Congress was an exciting moment for many. That excitement has subsequently evaporated. From Iraq to global trade to global warming, the Dems are leaving many with a special kind of disappointment that deserves a special name. Say, Demappointment.
One reason, though not the only, is that the Dems are just as bought-and-sold as the GOP:
Citibank gives money to Tom Daschle, Tom Daschle crafts the hideous Bankruptcy Bill, and suddenly the Midwestern union member who was laid off in the wake of Democrat-passed NAFTA can’t even declare bankruptcy to get out from the credit card debt he incurred in his unemployment. He will now probably suck eggs for the rest of his life, paying off credit card debt year after year at a snail’s pace while working as a non-union butcher in a Wal-Mart in Butte. Royally screwed twice by the Democratic Party he voted for, he will almost certainly decide to vote Republican the first time he opens up the door to find four pimply college students wearing I READ BANNED BOOKS t-shirts taking up a collection to agitate for dolphin-safe tuna.(Another is that they govern like they're still in the minority.) But they sure are pulling out all the stops to insist that they're getting real work done.
After last week's introduction to the concept of the status whore, let's give the little wonklings a lesson. All together now -- this one's for the kiddies!
> You've heard of the Consumer Product Safety Commission, which is there to protect us from unsafe toasters and toys. How about a Financial Product Safety Commission?
> GOP prez candidate Mike Huckabee thinks Gitmo is a nicer place to be a prisoner than the state pen. Assrape, torture, assrape, torture -- six of one, half a dozen of the other, right, Mike?
> Supreme Court nixes "enemy combatant" policy.
> GOP almost-candidate Fred Thompson challenged by the religious right; Fake Fred talks back.
> U.S. government's security contractor Blackwater Security Consulting countersues families of four American contractors who were burned, beaten, dragged through the streets of Fallujah, and their decapitated bodies hung from a bridge over the Euphrates River.
There is a disease that threatens all the wonks and wonks-in-waiting in Wonktown.
Status whoring.
Whether it's lying back and spreading them for a little proximity to power, or bending over and taking it hard just so you can say you were in the room when a deal was struck, you have become a Status Whore.
If it's not happening to you, Wonktowner, it is definitely happening to someone you love. (Or someone you pretend to love because they can totally get you in with the major players.)
We are dedicating ourselves to helping you and those you know who are suffering from Status Whoredom. For our first installment, please take and use this clip-and-save guide we call Friends Don't Let Friends Become Status Whores:
The first step to overcoming your problem is to admit that you need help. You can proclaim your status whoredom to the world by wearing it on your shirt.
If you haven't seen this yet, you must: Paris Hilton gets fucked, metaphorically, and Sarah Silverman cringes at the sight of Hollywood eating its own. And this is basically the only punishment Hilton is getting, so watch it many, many times.
UPDATE: No, not the update that she's going back to jail. There's another version of the Sarah Silverman clip out there on YouTube, making up for the version we posted here shortly before it expired. Paris who? We just care about Sarah Silverman.
UPDATE: Those bastards at YouTube keep taking down any clip of Sarah Silverman's beautiful moment. Where is the love, YouTube? When Time declared YOU the person of the year, they weren't talking about you, they were talking about us using you.
...not if you can get Fred Thompson's.
Better yet, you can read Blogs4Brownback's hilarious exchanges in advance of the debate. Some favorite lines: "The Constitution is an obvious fraud to me because it guarantees that which the Bible prohibits, i.e. due process of law, the freedom to be secure in one’s possessions and papers, the freedom to avoid torture, the 'freedom' to express thoughts contrary to the strict word of Christ, equality among the races, the right of women to vote, and the 'freedom' to NOT be compelled toward the only true ideology - the word of Christ."
Unfortunately, Hillary's personal blog is all too silent.
Are there other political campaign satire blogs out there? (A search for a faux Ron Paul blog ended up with waaaaaaay too many hits to too many blogs that were too hard to distinguish between satire and seriousness.) All five of you who read this blog, if you know of any, please comment!
We have to do it again this week. Why? Stupidly, we waited up all night to watch Internet phenom and certifiable nutcase Ron Paul on the Daily Show, which was neither as nutty nor as interesting as one might have thought. And tonight is all about the GOP debate, which is proving to be quite nuts indeed.
So, apparently, the anti-abortion movement is splintering in the wake of the recent Supreme Court decision on partial birth abortion, targeting Focus on the Family's James Dobson for using their cause to raise millions of dollars in an anti-abortion industry.
Of course, he has basically been a Republican party apparatchik embedded in the evangelical religious sector and trying desperately to keep their reliable grassroots aligned with Republican Party goals. That's why even though evangelical leaders professed to be moved by God to take up the cause of "creation care" -- being environmentally responsible for this and future generations -- Dobson fought hard to strike environmental concerns like global warming from evangelical agendas. The evangelicals saw through his craven politics and rejected his influence then, too.
There has long been a potentially significant divide between evangelicals and the GOP (in part because there has long been a potentially significant divide between self-styled evangelical leaders and many of the individuals who attend evangelical and fundamentalist churches). The global warming and environmental issues were the logical first sign, because the GOP's resistance stems not from its cultural agenda but from its corporate-driven agenda. But it is quite surprising to see the cracks appear in the abortion issue.
