Sign On, Crazy Diamond

There's nothing like a coalition for coming together to speak truth to power. And the favorite vehicle for speaking coalition truth is the letter signed by multiple groups -- AKA, the sign-on letter.

Who Are You -- Who, Who? Who, Who?

Trying to get on the same page, however, takes some effort. And the struggle to get it done reveals just what kind of coalition player you are.

The Coordinator

The Coordinator starts life as any of the types you'll see below. Stuck in the thankless job of keeping the coalition together, however, squeezes all life out of the hapless soul. Telltale sign: the lines under the eyes; the weary voice; the tendency to grab the table and hold on for dear life.

And nothing makes him or her happier than a sign-on letter -- that everyone in the coalition insists on changing!

The Strategerist

The coalition sign-on letter is just a letter from the advocacy community to say that a bill isn't good enough (or is the best thing since sliced bread). Not so for the Strategerist.

No, the Strategerist just can't let a letter be enough. He's like a master chess player in his own mind -- he's thinking five, six, seven steps ahead of everyone else.

His most comforting thought: if you're not on board, you just don't understand.

The Designated Prick

Or the Designated Cunt, depending on the gender. This person sees it as his job to keep the coalition honest, consistent with core principles. And what better way to do that than to beat everyone over the head with your superior ethical sense? After all, nothing makes a wuss become a man quicker than being called out for a wuss.

The Douchebag

Antithesis of the Designated Prick.

Philosophy: sprinkle enough sugar on a steaming turd, and it becomes a nice fudge pie! You don't say in a letter that you oppose a bill... you state that you have concerns -- or, better, you have questions about it. Yeah, people respect the soft touch!

Fighting this person is the Designated Prick's obsession.

The Idealist

Ah, the Idealist. No one can make sighs of desperation better than the Idealist who is appalled by the compromises going on in a coalition letter.

(Grows up to become the Designated Prick.)

The Whiner

Last but not least: the Whiner. The Whiner sees himself or herself as the voice of equality and fairness within the coalition. To speak truth to power within the circle of those who speak truth to power.

Perenially disappointed that life isn't a Joni Mitchell song or Sharon Olds poem.

The Final Product

Once a draft letter has gone through the sausage factory, it rarely looks anything like it did before. But it will be something the whole coalition had a hand in developing -- and that's a swell thing!