Coalition Politics

What's not to love about coalitions? Joining hands and joining forces to speak truth to power! United we stand, together we lobby!

So, if you want to play in Wonktown, you have to learn how to play together. For the benefit of junior wonk wannabes everywhere, we have taken it upon ourselves to produce a primer on coalition politics.

Our first lesson: the conference call!







Alpha Fight

Conference calls typically begin with someone announcing a proposed agenda, and then at least three other people chiming in to revise it. Even if it's the same basic agenda call after call after call, coalition calls just can't get underway without this basic struggle for dominance. Whose is bigger? Find out!





Total Information Awareness

Get over the idea that coalition calls are a time to share intelligence. They are a time to show who has the intelligence that others don't.

Did we say "intelligence"? We meant information.






Noise Pollution

Courtesy is for pussies. If you are a power player, you cannot be expected to know how to mute your line while your subordinates come into your office to ask you for your coffee order.






The Distraction Attraction

Repeat after me: You are a very, very busy person. You have lots of deep and important thoughts running through your head. You cannot possibly be expected to follow every twist and turn the coalition call takes.






Master Debater

Coalition calls have their own special logic. It's not who has the right chain of thought; it's who's loudest and most confident who wins.

Make sure you bring a Kleenex or moist toilette to wipe yourself when you win.






Strategery

Great minds coming together to strategize! -- no, that's not what happens in a coalition call. Ever.






Climax

When the call comes to a close, what else is a circle of jerks to do?